how to ask out a female cashier

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Now, Im 100% sure this guy would have been an awesome date, and there was nothing threatening or creepy about his approach in fact, if I had any glimmer of interest in men in general, I probably would have taken him up on it. And it was always a minefield to navigate. More specifically, he did not go tracking down any of her information. https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2011/03/21/mythcommunication-its-not-that-they-dont-understand-they-just-dont-like-the-answer/. But you know what? We ended up going separate ways in life, but he was a total gentleman and excellent +1 while it did last, and I still hold him in high regard years later. Try to see when she gets out. She called, and shortly after she was on my couch. TL;DR: I was 1000% sure this guy liked me, I asked him out and found out he didnt. Think of it this way: can you think of someone you think is genuinely rather awful? Even these women who we'd call "easy going" only go for what they feel is biologically safe / sound. Important: you give your number and dont ask for his number, and you do it on paper so that you dont need to text to his number or handle his phone to input anything. You never know! The guys who hit on me were really gross and it was quite a turn off. If i ever did (which i wont because im too shy, but shes the most beautiful thing ive ever seen) ask her out and she said no, i wouldnt have a problem at all i think women are allowed to decide things by themselves and shouldnt be pressured into saying yes or no. after coffee. And Ive just finished my milk.. WebIf you're a regular, you can talk to her casually until she gets used to seeing you. If you run into him somewhere else, that would be fine, though if you got the signals that it would be welcome. The problem? the flipside of male privilege men get to generally live their lives without an underlying fear of being rapedbut once in a while that fear comes in real handy. Dont forget to sit with a coin between your knees! Meeting someone at a party (or going to a movie, while were on the topic) are not especially good first dates when youre attempting to get to know someone better. I once had a crush on a guy who worked in retail. You want to court her. Be very casual about it. If theyre burning with desire, theyll run into you. That doesnt mean that you should never do it or that it never works out, but it does mean thatif youre going to do it, its key to approachit in a low-key way that makes it really, really easy for the personto say no. interviewing with a service dog in my lap, boss thinks Im a stonerbecauseI called out on 4/20, and more, I desperately need breaks between my back-to-back meetings, I manage a gay employee and our company is homophobic, a coworker told me I talk too much, Im still ruminating over a job I didnt take, and more, should I invite my team to my home for dinner, will my company expect me to work with my ex, and more, after I hired someone, a mutual friend told me Id made a huge mistake. Or you could be lucky and run into her on a bus or somewhere else out of context. A "yes" response would be very cool and and allow you to follow it up with a proposition like, "sometime this week at x coffee shop, is there a good time?". In all seriousness, young and youngish women in customer-service jobs are frequently dealing with a more-0r-less daily barrage of men who interpret smiled at me and was polite as wants me, and it can be exhausting and, yes, scary, since a significant fraction of men dont take a polite no thanks well. Why did DOS-based Windows require HIMEM.SYS to boot? I do know that she had been coming in once or twice a week for months before anyone made a move, and I know they had been chatting a lot more than your average employee and customer would chat (to the point that I wonder how he wasnt reprimanded for not doing his work). I dont what it is about retailperhaps the forced friendliness-but it just seems like everyone thinks were dying for dates and I would get asked out constantly. At any rate, I dont want to do anything to make him uncomfortable, and if things go awry then Ill most likely try to avoid him or stop shopping at this place altogether, which would be really inconvenient, so would really appreciate your advice. But it was a bit of an eye opener when I saw him making the same friendly conversation with another beer-loving female customer. At some point we realized that we needed to meet outside the store to really talk, which we then did. In this case, it's simple: you get rejected. Don't think a girl is attracted to you because she's doing her job. There's this cute girl at a local shop that I visit every day. do I need to wear nylons to a job interview or are bare legs OK? Tip number 2 for getting cashier girls: To seduce a cashier girl, be very well dressed and be well groomed. I would strongly advise you do neither of these things. A better idea would be to go b No. Eventually he came to pick up his little sister on a day I happened to be out sick. A lot of managers will take the word of the customer over their employee, so it is not out the realm of possibility to be written up for that complaint. This is not okay and very creepy. First, make sure that you are respectful and courteous when asking for Assenting to courtship is an act of whimsy. It gets so old! Youve got the people who say the waiter seemed friendly, so I gave him my number, and weve been married 30 years now. The local pop/rock station was throwing a concert and I had extra tickets and invited him to come along with my group of friends. # Community Guidelines Oh wait, I did actually end up in a four year relationship that had been a customer and he ended up being a creep with major control issues, but that could have happened no matter where we had met. I may or may not have drunk texted him after that and needless to say, we never ended up dating. Ive seen you in here a lot and you seem like the type of person I would like to get to know in real life. @sphennings - I outlined a gentle first step towards getting together with a person of interest outside work, in a public venue. Generally, try not talking to women with the mentality oh my god I have to ask her out at some point. Its not a situation I would want to be in and Id never want to do it to someone else. It doesnt matter anyway, because it will never ever happen again. Still, +1 for your analysis and advice to the OP. when Im meeting someone new. or "Did you enjoy it" or even worse, "Where were you?". We always flirted, he always asked me about what was going on in my life, on and on. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. He seemed interested until I got a text from him later saying he couldnt make it. Express low-key interest in seeing the person outside of work, give your card/number, and make it clear through your words and actions that you can happily take no for an answer. As someone who works in customer service and is literally paid to be nice to you, please dont do it. So it didnt seem as creepy as when patrons would say you have a really beautiful smile. Which I do, but dont want to hear from a stranger. So I had the chance to get to know him a little bit, he got to know me a little bit, we established a rapport, etc. We laughed and decided best to keep things at friendly store chats. If a For a male, the odds are stacked against you. It sounds like hes just good at being a retail employee. Maybe write something along the lines of, I did this so it wouldnt be awkward while you were at work and I know its kind of strange but I wasnt sure how else to contact you more discreetly.. I don't want to creep her out or make her uncomfortable, but I don't see her anywhere else to ask her. Maybe we could get cheese fries on another day, then you know. Just a reality check. Here, you're just leaving a breadcrumb trail. The best answers are voted up and rise to the top, Not the answer you're looking for? :( And I love cheese but dont have any from Spain. Although again, sadly, he still might have a GF. Can you try something more neutral, like inviting him out to hang out with you and a group of friends? Its very frustrating. Book club. One way to do this is by reminding yourself that you have a lot to offer and that there is no reason why the other person would not be interested in getting to know you better. Mention some public event coming up in the upcoming week that you are planning to attend, such as a concert, puppet show, debate, whatever. Can't be whimsical if you're worried about life or food or shelter or someone who seems a threat. I flirted and flirted with himI mean REALLY laid it on thick and I couldnt figure out why he wasnt responding. It also means that you have to go out of your way to make them comfortable if they do say no (no signs of resentment or bitterness or other weirdness), because after all youdid take therisk of asking someone out in their place of work. ..what country do you live in? Which really just makes things more complicated, since theres no way for sure to know his crushs sexual orientation (something heterosexual would-be workplace-suitors should also keep in mind) and theres sadly more potential for the reaction to be negative if hes wrong. I worked retail all through college and I never really had anyone ask me out (apparently Im the exception based on these comments?) People always think theyll be the exception to this, but.ugh. She said she knew me already and found it a little odd, but we always have a lot of eye contact and banter. Long ago, when I was in college, I asked out a nice, cute guy who worked at a retail store I frequented. That would be fun. She again said no. A: Lindy Hop is a dance style that originated in Harlem during the 1920s and 1930s. I really enjoy talking to you here and Ive thought it might be nice to do it outside of work sometime. Later, on hearing about it, my nasty coworker who was a demoted ex-manager told me that I shouldnt have been rude to a customer. So I can definitely imagine a manager who would expect someone in a customer service position to say yes to keep the customer. She's not interested. I remember the first time I took a Business Trip. Knowing how to read the defense is key to succeeding in this virtual gridiron world. But those of us who are normal dont actually do anything. It definitely impacts what might feel flattering versus intrusive when you come from a male context, where there isnt the automatic feeling of what do you want? a silly or gross pickup line, or outright propositioning) and a simple asking out (e.g. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. (I was visiting my hometown, where he worked, but I lived pretty far away.). Start with neutral topics (the weather is an evergreen) and see what her response is. Again, not altruism: it's in our interest; the path to "why not?" If youve been hit on/propositioned once a shift for the past month, that one guy who is genuinely kind and interested in getting to know you is just going to be added to the SERIOUSLY! I went to the same drive-thru for YEARS and had a crush on the guy who worked there. Id like to find out what hes thinking, but its kind of awkward since since hes at work. Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been. Surely there is someone out there like me, who is genuine and can take a no.? I hope you have the common sense to not stalk her, to find out where she lives or what she does in her free time just to find a loophole and ask her there. NC for a month already, I dont think shes coming back. An intelligent woman shouldnt have a problem meeting a prescreened stranger in a public place without having to take friends a family on the date. And the corn guy had his own business. I let them all down gently, the ones who were grossed I told my manager about, and the ones who were polite [key point] were cool with me afterward and there was no awkwardness between us [key point]. Its all too a single woman should be accompanied at all times when out in public 191o for me. If theyre interested they will, specifically, ask you. I took her for granted and now shes gone. Even if you think this guy might really like you, youre going to have to take it slow. She has an easy escape: "Back to work, bye". One thing. I guess Im just a bit pessimistic in that it rarely happens that way. Its a place of business, not a singles bar. During your conversation with her, mention some place you're planning to be in the future so she can find you there if she chooses. Its not only retail I was once asked out repeatedly by the older brother of one of my students! I avoided the drive thru for a few months after that but when I went back we both just acted like nothing had happened. just take your chance and be yourself you have nothing to lose.. you never know she might just be waiting for you to ask. As an anecdote, we recently had an emergency drill that involved several different departments at my place of employment. I know I can just walk up to her and be like "you're cute, wanna go out?" Sure. not into you, unless you look very good. I don't think it'll make her uncomfortable, but there's a finer way still. So I met this girl who is a cashier at a local store and shes really cute. She will appreciate you phrasing it in a way that doesn't put her on the spot. my lying coworker claimed someone said I couldnt eat at my desk, telling recruiters I wont move to states that discriminate, AirTag etiquette, and more. But its still a business interaction. So I definitely dont think its fair to allege that Im not empathetic here Im reflecting on my own feelings as well as those Ive heard from others of both genders, or as you say, putting myself in their shoes.. Look the cashier in the eyes when talking and stand up straight as you chat. Thats how its been done forfreakingever. There joined a new cashier in my local food product market. My Question is how can I ask for her number, or ask her out for a coffe while she is on what can I say to job candidates who are stalking me outside of work? I think theres a power differential between the customer and the employee that youre missing here. I always hope she'll be stocking shelves or something (so she would be a little more approachable) when I see her but she's either cashier or in back. in advance, prepare a little note and state to her what you have stated to us. This will make things even more uncomfortable/annoying for the employee and might even cause her to face a reprimand at work if her employer doesn't fully understand what happened. Don't jump to asking for her number, build rapport first. I was in my 20s and it was my last day at my summer job, so I wouldnt have seen him again, at least not for an entire school year, provided hed still be doing retail the following year. And I would tell a couple of friends where I was going and who I was with. And don't stand there making big puppy dog eyes and blubbering while you wait for her answer, just "see ya" and leave. Many people really dont know how to interact with someone of the opposite sex in a way thats not flirtatious and/or interpret any positive interaction with the opposite sex as flirtation (Im a lot better about this now than I was in my teens and twenties, but I still catch myself thinking/acting like this sometimes). But then, Im from that younger generation of people who hang out instead of going on proper dates. When I worked in retail, I probably would have been flattered if someone hit on me but I was a teen boy. I think this is well said and I agree with you. I tried to give it an international flavor (ie, here it's generally OK to make smalltalk or jokes if time allows, but that's not the same as asking her out). I spent time on holidays (and shopping) in Germany, I am familiar with how retail in Germany, in large cities, works. I work at Barnes and Noble, and I am shocked at how often I get hit on/asked out. If the null hypothesis is never really true, is there a point to using a statistical test without a priori power analysis? I wrote write my info on a small piece of paper and said something as non-pickup-y as possible: If you want to talk more about photography, heres my info or something. Try a man cashier. That person is required be there and is required to be attentive/kind to you and to every other customer. The waitress could have said oh, hes off the market or he gets number all the time and is sick of it or something like that so it would avoid the embarrassing interaction if there wasnt a chance for a positive outcome. . Additionally, it can be helpful to practice what you want to say beforehand. That may not have occurred to you, but like I say, "men doing our usual" doesn't create any safety or empowerment. If you get declined, however rudely, don't go complaining. was a customer that I wanted to hit on me! My rule is simple. however, my friend (who works in retail) asked out a barista who she had a crush on. At one library where I worked, we were actually told to stop wearing our nametags because there was so much of this. He didnt, but then I saw him one night at a club and I approached him and the rest is history! I actually thought the OP might be a man. And I have a boyfriend doesnt even slow down most of these guys. I ran into him one time outside of work and he talked to me most of the night while his girlfriend sat in the corner and pouted. Can anyone help me? (disclaimer, Ive never worked any customer-facing position, so maybe Im way off). When I worked retail, I got hit on a few times by male customers. and our A simple compliment or two can go a long way in making a good impression on someone; let them know what drew you towards them in the first place! Religious group. is it unprofessional to have hickeys at work? So if it were me, Id just say, Hey, would you want to grab coffee sometime? If they say no outright, or if they say things that imply that theyre not so interested (I dont know, my schedules kind of crazy etc. Look, retail employees get hit on day in and day out. So try some small-talk and see where it takes you, but be polite and do not ask for a date up front. It was pure stare porn, and she flushed and sighed. Some were way too persistent. As a consequence, we have to have our radar on all the time, because we have no idea which are the jerks/creeps/violent sexual offenders until they get jerky/creepy/assault us. Thats a pointas the OP is gauging this guys interest, she should observe how he acts with other customers. This might be a Western European city, or an 'East' German village, who knows. He was confused she asked, Did you really think one person could eat that much corn?. I dont really care how kind you are or subtle about itits still off-putting. It's public enough (assuming there's people around) and therefore reasonably safe, but private enough to not be embarassing. You won't know where to stop and it'll turn creepy. A: The best way to gain confidence is to feel confident and know what to say. An employee could reasonably feel just as trapped into responding favorably to the polite request for a coffee date as a skeezy come on. And man did that sting. Or include a 'Text me/Call me' in the note, and don't say anything at all (this might be more innocuous and have the same effect, since all the flirting up till now has been unspoken, you might want to carry that on). Im not saying you should absolutely never do it, but if you do, make sure its very clear that no is a completely acceptable answer and that the persons manager and coworkers will never know about it if the person declines. I agree that the group thing could be a good, low-pressure way to go. :/. Ask her out. Just let them do their jobs. If she is interested, she might ask you. Its be a nice pick me up for the day. Thats the point for the worker, its a business interaction. We dated for close to a year, and when it ended, it did not end well. As the others have pointed out, you have got a bit of a captive audience and that needs to be respected. Q: What should I do if the cashier rejects my invitation? Too bad The IT Crowd is off the air, I could totally see them doing a show like this one. It's up to you to weigh the pros and cons and do your choice, make the one which will leave you with less regrets as possible. I dont want to be reminded on a regular basis that people are thinking of me in a sexual way while Im working. And thanks for the suggestion for a no-pressure meet-up, thats a super idea! I'm from the midwest and women in service definitely say those words, but it is more commonly heard from older women to younger men I'm gonna go touch some grass, you should too S SargeMaximus Asking is out is just Let me know if youd like to grab coffee sometime. And yes getting asked out does often make me feel uncomfortable if Im not interested. Casually go her way, drop something or try to create a natural interaction, then start conversation. Can you help me? Don't ask someone out while they are at work. How to get to know a service staff without interrupting her work? Granted, this could mean nothing, but its impossible for me to know whats going on since the only place that I ever see him is in this store. Can you help me?" Since there's a lineup it may be easiest if you have your number written on a piece of paper to leave it with her. Im not interested. Not most. I find the other answers very unusual, which illustrates there must be some kind of cultural difference at play. That's a pretty good indication something's happening. Would you feel flattered? I do not so much when it happens to me. But then even if she says yeah I have to find a way to get her my number quickly. Which then bums me out further. You know, the douche who asks every cute girl out and thinks he's hot shit. Men and women (and women and women, and men and men) have made simple personal connections this way since the beginning of time. And youre right. Imagine if they asked you out. Hes at work. Restarting your mission in Red Dead Redemption 2 is relatively simple, provided you know where to go. Playing offense in Madden 21 takes skill, strategy and knowledge. Is it too early to have sex? I (female, red-haired) worked in video game retail for a while. I couldnt agree more. Hmm I once gave my phone number to someone who worked the counter at a restaurant after seeing them there a few times. Stack Exchange network consists of 181 Q&A communities including Stack Overflow, the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their knowledge, and build their careers. There there from Radiohead rings a bell. Unfortunately theres always the potential that someone could turn into a stalker. I worked retail throughout high school and college. He gave me his number and I called him to make plans. If you ever want a tutorial in why this is a Very Bad Idea, go ahead and read the Craigslist Missed Encounters section, particularly the men-for-women. At all the boring customer service jobs Ive ever had, my co-workers and I flirted recreationally with customers and each other. Build a relationship first, as one answer notes. As someone who has worked in customer service for a long time, I can tell you that it will make many customer service reps very uncomfortable. Granted, yes I loved talking about video games. Personally, Ive never really liked turning people down in any setting, probably because of my conditioning as a woman in this society, and it just gets weirder and more awkward when Im in customer service/dont upset the customer mode, even if that customer is normal and not some creepazoid that rings every alarm bell of every female on staff. When I worked in the bookstore I stopped wearing my nametag (with the blessing of my awesome manager) entirely, because of all of the unwanted attention. Is part of the joke that theyre attempting to steal the line from John Carpenters movie _They Live_? That would be some might serious dating phobia to have that reaction from a casual reach out, hed be quite the outlier with that level of panic. Its my practice since to never pursue workers in service, not that it matters so much now. There would seem to be a paradox, in that lowering the cost of rejection for her increases your chances of success, but there really isn't a paradox. He has been active in the world of showbusiness for, Press the Options/Menu button on your controller and select Quit Story Mission and then restart from the chapter selection screen. Certainly, it can be that way, but to me, Id take being asked out as a form of flattery, even if I wasnt interested. Whoa, is Missed Connections still a thing? (Still gay, now not so closeted :D) So while I was able to stumble out a decline that didnt out me and sounded fairly legitimate, the truth was Id been rather blindsided, and I spent the rest of the day scared that one of my coworkers would have overheard and I was going to get grilled about why I didnt agree to the date later on. You can engage in small talk then, without a long queue forming behind you. By engaging the person in a discussion, you can explore their biases and try to clear up any possible misunderstandings. Retail employees have to be nice to customers. The way she did it was to grab another waitress and say hey, Id like to give my number to our waiter. Please dont hit on the poor schmuck who has to be nice to you or get fired. He got aggressive with her when he found out I wasnt there, demanding to know where I was and when Id be back. Not discussions on the state of dating or generalized situations. Hitting on generally is either straight-up propositioning or coming in sideways. Late in the thread but dont do it while they are working their CS role. Resin is a vital resource for Conan Exiles players wanting to expand their base and create unlocks. # About As a woman, Im also flattered when Im politely asked out, even though I do not accept the invitations (Im married). My advice would be to tentatively engage in a light cashier-related conversation, even if it's just a "Hello again" and a pleasant smile. Speaking of which, if someone at workcustomer or coworkerasks you out, and you dont want to go, EFFING SAY SO. Feel really confused like if shes playing games with me. Or cheese fries because my friend bailed. Show interest and respect, compliment the cashier, and then invite them out. It is often used as an expression of joy which can be used to ask someone out in a fun way! Thats a great idea. Both scenarios happened to me multiple times and it was always uncomfortable and always put me in an intensely awkward situation. Every week, she would buy a bunch of corn and talk to him. Video games. I dont think its a horrendous crime to ask someone out, I just remember wishing (as a former waitress) that people would just let me bring them their food instead of assuming were friends now because weve been interacting for 8 minutes in my place of work. young and youngish women in customer-service jobs are frequently dealing with a more-0r-less daily barrage of men who interpret smiled at me and was polite as wants me . If you buy e.g. And movies are basically sitting in the dark next to someone for 90 minutes in an environment that does not favor socializing. Do this some times. Manage Settings I suspect answers can be highly different depending on the cultural context. For instance - southern Europe here - to me it's perfectly acceptable Until you have a stronger feeling. OP here, thanks for sharing your sweet, funny story. Result: He emailed me that night, and we struck up a friendship, but never dated. Flirting doesnt bother me as long as the conversation doesnt get gross or rude. This will help reduce any anxiety and make it easier for you to get the words out when the time comes. The "honey" and "dear' is a southern thing. Sadly due to lack of nametag I do not. Example: Did you hear, So-and-so is going to be performing at the (venue) on Thursday? Another option you may consider is going through her manager. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. It feels like a lose-lose situation. Across the Country. Thanks for the advice and encouragement Erin! This, in turn, is affected by how you look, how you smell, what you say, but for basic sexual pleasure - looks are everything. If she does, give her your number and leave, if she doesn't just leave and act like nothing happened, you don' want her to look at you like a creep or something. He came and then asked me on a date afterward. If she perks up and looks interested, you can respond with something like. Help required for approaching a crush after awkward scenario, How to tell a colleague to take care of how he looks. This doesn't require breaking any of these rules, but it requires finesse. Keep your body language open so that they feel more at ease. Dont drop compliments and hit on her, asking how her day is My suggestion is to not overthink this or make it overly complicated. Maybe mention a place nearby that you frequent, like the coffe shop you visit before work or your gym or the bar you sometimes have happy hour with coworkers at. Offer to leave your number or contact details so that they can reach out if interested. I was also wary for the same reasons you are. I got asked for my phone number all of the time. No one likes that. Staying polite and positive even if you get rejected will make her more comfortable rather than being sad or disappointed when interacting with her in the future. Yes, it was a common interest, but I also had a certain number of reservations and sales I needed to make. I had one regular while I was a barista ask me out in what seemed to be a sincere way, but when I turned him down then showed up every single goddamn day and stared at me for almost a month.

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